The Crazy Life, Part 2

I definitely planned to write and post this blog about a month ago, so I guess the fact that it's happening now attests to the title of this post. Thanks to good ol' Spring Break, here it is. 

The weekend after I went to Birmingham, I loaded into a car with these friends and drove to Gastonia to help lead another disciple now weekend. 

My roommate, Olivia, and I were assigned to the 6th grade girls. My reaction to this news was probably similar to what I'd imagine any normal person's would be: Lord help me. 

I remembered what I was like as a 6th grader and was not so sure that my already exhausted mind and body would be able to handle a weekend filled with drama that I wouldn't be sympathetic towards. I prayed for no drama, sympathy for any that may come, and sustaining grace through it all. 

And oh how good the Lord was to my doubting heart. These girls were awesome. They provided us with tons of laughs, bowling lessons, and great gospel conversations. 

Even though they are probably the most draining things in the world, I really love disciple now weekends and was thankful I got to be a part of this one. 

The weekend after the Gastonia disciple now, some of the college students at my church in Clemson drove to Raleigh in order to attend the Go conference at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. 

The campus is beautiful and I learned so much from that weekend. 

I learned about the role and importance of the Holy Spirit, and my soul was reminded of the satisfying and beautiful power of the gospel. More importantly, I was reminded of the person of the gospel, the Lord Jesus Christ. My heart and mind were rocked anew with His goodness, beauty, and love. 

One way the Lord taught me was through these women. I don't think I have ever had people speak such Gospel centered truth into my life in such a loving and honest way. I really would not be the same person without Emily and Marie's friendship and discipleship. 

There were a lot of people from my home church at this conference, so of course we had to get a FBCFM group picture. Represent. 

There was also a significant number of girls from the small group I lead that went. The Lord has been gracious in allowing laughter and truth to be abundant on Tuesday nights with these girls. 

And the whole group from Crosspoint...

The next Friday, students from Crosspoint's college ministry hung out on Library Bridge, a common walkway for students on campus. It was the day before Valentine's Day, so as an avenue for sharing the gospel, we asked students passing by what they thought love is. It opened up tons of conversations for sharing the true meaning of love, shown by Jesus Christ in the way that He suffered as He walked on this earth as man so that He could die for our sins, and how He rose again to free us from them! 

This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 

1 John 4:10

That night I spontaneously got to see Wicked in downtown Greenville thanks to some sweet and generous friends with a last minute extra ticket. It was incredible. 

On Valentine's Day a few of my friends and I drove to Blythewood to go skeet shooting with Logan and his family. I'm not a huge gun person, and I'm definitely not good at hitting targets, especially when they're moving, but it was a lot of fun. 

Photo cred: Mackenzie Morgan

Some people got a little crazy with their shooting techniques...

Photo cred: Mackenzie Morgan

Logan's sister and Miles both brought hand guns (that's the most technical term I know). 

The boys set up some clays as targets. 

Photo cred: Mackenzie Morgan

I was pretty terrified to shoot them, because these kinds of guns are the ones I see used in crime fighting shows. I feel like only a cop or a FBI agent should be shooting these off. I finally got convinced to give it a try, and I'm glad I listened, because it was fun. 

Photo cred: Mackenzie Morgan

I ended up spending the night in Columbia with this lovely lady. I went to church with her the next morning and got to see some people that I don't get to see very often, which was great. 

The next weekend was Olivia's birthday. We threw a rocking surprise party filled with good friends, food, and lots of dancing, which was perfect for Olivia. Then that night we went to downtown Greenville for dinner. I'd say her 20th birthday was a success!

The following weekend we had the Restore conference in Clemson. Crosspoint and Clemson Presbyterian host this conference together every year. It's a sweet time for two local churches to come together as the body of Christ. This year the theme was Sent and the speaker was Danny Akin, the president of Southeastern Seminary. 

These are the girls I'm living with next year!

Matching shirts at church conferences always provides great photo opportunities.

Candid pictures are my favorite kind of pictures.  

Clemson got snow/ice stuff twice this winter. The quality of the "snow" definitely was not as good as it was last year, but because we live in the south, it was enough to cancel a significant amount of classes, which was really nice. 

And I got some sledding action in. The most snow we got was on a Wednesday night. I was scared that it wouldn't last until the morning (I was right), and I was dying to get out and play in it, even if it was just for a little bit. I texted some friends, and Emily - bless her soul - went sledding with me while it was fresh on the ground and still coming down. The quality of sledding was slightly subpar but the company was wonderful and we laughed a lot. 

There was one day that IHOP served free pancakes. Free food is always a magnet for college students, so the place was a mad house..but it was totally worth it. 

I went to my first basketball game of this season, which was also the last game of the season. This is really sad, since last season I went to almost every basketball game. I think it was the freshman excitement. Since this was possibly the last game in Little John before they remodel it, I was able to convince some friends to join me...on a school night! 

The sun finally decided to show it's face in Clemson and it was glorious. We spent the day at Y-beach playing volleyball. I can't wait until the weather is consistently warmer and I can spend more of my days out here. 

Just in the knick of time, spring break rolled around, and here I am! The beginning weekend of break overlapped with the Student Life conference in Charlotte, so I got to see these beautiful friends from this summer. I am so thankful for them and the time we had to catch up. 

After this, I spent the first half of my break in DC with Crosspoint and some international students (blog post coming soon). The rest of my break has been spent with my family and it has been wonderful to relax and log quality time with them. 

Speaking of Student Life...several blogs ago I mentioned being torn over summer plans. After a whole lot of soul searching, seeking the Lord, and submission to His will over mine, I am not working for Student Life this summer. Instead, I am officially going to India!

My heart was more than set on working for Student Life, and when the opportunity to go to India was presented as a real possibility, I was less than thrilled about it. The Lord began to do a real work in my heart, and helped me remember that I confess Him as Lord. He graciously reminded me that calling Him Lord means that He can do whatever He wants with my life. 

This isn't scary or even burdensome. It's hard at first to let go of what I want, but at it's core it is a joy. It is incredibly freeing. Because He is good and I trust Him completely. How could I not with the way that He has boldly displayed His love for me on the cross? (Rom. 8:32)

My mind hasn't really grasped the reality that I will be in India for four to five weeks. While there, my team of about ten will be encouraging, discipling, and training Indian believers on how to make disciples for God's glory. We will also spend our time there sharing the gospel with the lost and dying people around us. I am becoming increasingly excited about it as it becomes increasingly real. 

We will leave near the first of July and come back a week or so into August, but there is so much to be done. More than anything, I ask that you would pray these verses for me, as I pray them also for myself, and that God would grant me this even now as I do life in Clemson: 

Pray also for me, that the message may be given to me when I open my mouth to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel...Pray that I might be bold enough in Him to speak as I should.

Ephesians 6:19, 20b

Forever Satisfied

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

-James 1:2-3

I memorized those words several years ago, and I'm having to lean on them now. 

In my mind, the word "trial" elicits horrible, life-threatening, barely-able-to-get-up-in-the-morning kinds of things. I'm not going through that, though sometimes it feels like it. 

"Test" is definitely a word I would use here though. Definitely. 

At the most basic level of this test, there is something I want that I may never ever have.
 This "want" isn't flippant. It's not surface level. I feel it deep down.
This desire has sometimes caused me to not trust the Lord and instead sinfully take matters into my own hands.

While reading "Found in Him" by Elyse M Fitzpatrick, I saw my own heart written out in the well-known story of Adam and Eve:

 "They knew about goodness already, but they didn't know about evil, and they were so curious. Wouldn't it be a good thing for them to know everything there was to know? Didn't they need to help themselves out? Adam and Eve drank from the poisonous cup of autonomy and independence."

Oh how often I drink from that cup, too. I get near sighted, wrapped up in the things of this world, in the temporary desires I have that feel like they must be satisfied immediately. Since I don't see anything happening, my here-and-now mindset makes me feel like I need to "help myself out."  

But all I really have to do is trust. 

The Lord was gracious to overwhelm me with the truth of who He is and the beauty of the gospel in the midst of a spiritual needy time, one that I didn't even realize I was in. 

He is forever the one Who unconditionally loves my soul. 

So much so that He met me where I was, dead and filthy in my sin, and saved me. He picked me up, made me clean, and gave me life. And did so in a way that cost Him greatly. 

He suffered my pain for me. Physical, emotional, spiritual. Every kind of pain at the highest intensity.

He is my Rescuer. He is my Knight in shining armor. 

"Oh the madness of craving something other."

This sin of an unsatisfied heart is manifesting itself in a specific way now, but there are so many ways it can look. Wanting to spend my time the way I want to spend it, wanting to be the "cool one," or wanting a significant other, especially in light of this upcoming day devoted to love. 

I would be lying if I pretended to not be envious of all the adorable couples that get to celebrate Valentine's Day together, and as much as I put on a front of hating that holiday, deep down I wish I could celebrate it with someone too.

It basically boils down to wanting control, really. To not being satisfied with where I am, not being satisfied with the gospel alone, and not trusting and believing that where God has me is good. Truly!

"But whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say it is well, it is well with my soul."

Why?

Because I have a Savior that fulfills every quality of a "dream guy," and He isn't going anywhere.

Ever. 

And unlike a sinful human being that will let me down, He is forever satisfying. I will never need anything or anyone other than Him! My sinful soul just needs to be reminded of the truth. 

And to take it a step further, I hope that on days and in moments when I feel like all is right, when I have everything I think I've ever wanted, that I would still love Jesus more. That I would trade it all without hesitation to be loved by Jesus and to love Him, just like the man who sells all he has for a treasure in a field or a pearl of great value. (Matthew 13:44-46).

These words have been stuck in my mind for almost a week now, and I will cling tightly to them, reminding my soul of the truth that brings life and satisfaction. 

"Oh that rugged cross, my salvation

where Your love poured out over me. 

Now my soul cries out, "Hallelujah!

Praise and honor unto Thee!"

Now my debt is paid, it is paid in full

by the precious blood that my Jesus spilled.

Now the curse of sin has no hold on me.

Whom the Son sets free, oh is free indeed!

-"Man of Sorrows" by Hillsong

May this free heart be bound to Jesus and, as a result, be forever satisfied.

"I say to the LORD, 'You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.' 
You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
- Psalm 16:2, 11

The Crazy Life, Part 1

So far this semester, I have spent one weekend in Clemson. And I won't be in Clemson during a weekend for the next month. 

Overcommitting is kind of a way of life for me.
I know it isn't the healthiest lifestyle, but it is so hard for me to say no.
I'm working on it.

I'm trying to stay on top of the crazy by posting mid-way through while simultaneously taking a break from schoolwork, also known as procrastinating.

Two weekends ago I got to go home and help lead a Disciple Now weekend at my church back home.

I have grown up going to dnow weekends and those times have never failed to be a huge source of growth for me. Helping lead a group for the second year in a row was quite the treat. 

The theme for the competition aspect was centered around Hunger Games, and you'll never guess who was Effie Trinket. 

In case you can't tell, that's my mother...and she killed it. 

Who knew her acting skills were so on point?!

I had the eighth grade girls and I got to co-lead with my wonderful friend and fellow Tiger, Taylor. 

I am increasingly thankful for her and her love for the Lord. Leading with her was awesome. 

The group activity Saturday was rec games, and rec means face paint.

 I love face paint. 

I spent a large portion of my summer painting my face purple, so I was in my element. 

Before heading to the rec fields, the girls played a few intense rounds of bingo. 

Then we went into the yard and took an intense picture. 

And then got in the car and took a selfie. 

Eighth grade girls love taking pictures, but I do too so it worked out great.

I was also able to get a sibling picture with the best brother around. 

This kid who is slowly becoming a man cracks me up, and I love him a whole lot. 

Sadly he isn't a huge fan of being in pictures, but he is consistently gracious in taking them with me. 

There is a challenge every year amongst the different grades. This year the challenge was to dress up the leaders as tributes to enter "the Capitol." So basically that meant our eighth grade girls could do whatever they wanted to our physical appearance. 

The result was...interesting...

It's a good thing we love them!

It's okay though, because we weren't the only ridiculous looking ones...not by a long shot. 

The Lord was faithful this weekend to provide a group of God-loving girls who were drama-free, at least this weekend. Having no drama was a direct answer to prayer. 

There is something unexplainable about getting to walk through gospel truths with younger girls who are in places that I was not too long ago. I pray that they would continue to seek God through any drama that may come their way, and that they would love one another well with the love of Christ. 

After a week spent in Clemson, I loaded back into a car with some of the best people I know and drove to Birmingham, Alabama. 

We went to volunteer at the Student Life Conference. After I got back, I was beyond exhausted, but the time spent with people near to my heart was definitely worth the time and energy spent. 

It was cool to do Student Life things with Student Life people in real world settings. I got to spend evenings sitting in people's actual kitchens in their actual homes where they live every day. 

And it was awesome. 

Now I'm back in Clemson, but just finished packing to leave again. The days here are busy too, but are filled with great friends, which makes the school part bearable. Some examples...

Anatomy with Gracie! We both came into class repping Student Life. I am so thankful to have a class with this dear friend. Even if her laughter does draw attention to us in a huge lecture hall. 

My gratitude for these two is incomprehensible. They encourage me when I need it the most, and the way they spur me on in the gospel is unmatched by anyone around.

Well, except for this one. Her commitment to all of our sanctification is incredible.

 Days spent with her can be tough, because she pushes me places I never thought I could go, but every time I walk away from time with her I am more thankful for her in my life. 

And I recently got to spend some catch up time with girls from 7B, my freshmen hall. I am also extremely thankful for these girls in my life, and wish I saw them more. 

As a side note, when I got up to take this picture, they all excitedly asked if it was for "the blog." They're ridiculous.

Many of my days are spent watching children. Clearly a lot of girls. 

It feels like good mom training. Hopefully one day I'll get to put it to good use.

I went to my first engagement party, which is weird but also exciting. 

I am thankful for the sweet times in other places, but it definitely makes me miss Clemson because I  love this school. I'll be thankful for the time when I can take a breath, but until then I'm pressing on.