Forever Satisfied

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

-James 1:2-3

I memorized those words several years ago, and I'm having to lean on them now. 

In my mind, the word "trial" elicits horrible, life-threatening, barely-able-to-get-up-in-the-morning kinds of things. I'm not going through that, though sometimes it feels like it. 

"Test" is definitely a word I would use here though. Definitely. 

At the most basic level of this test, there is something I want that I may never ever have.
 This "want" isn't flippant. It's not surface level. I feel it deep down.
This desire has sometimes caused me to not trust the Lord and instead sinfully take matters into my own hands.

While reading "Found in Him" by Elyse M Fitzpatrick, I saw my own heart written out in the well-known story of Adam and Eve:

 "They knew about goodness already, but they didn't know about evil, and they were so curious. Wouldn't it be a good thing for them to know everything there was to know? Didn't they need to help themselves out? Adam and Eve drank from the poisonous cup of autonomy and independence."

Oh how often I drink from that cup, too. I get near sighted, wrapped up in the things of this world, in the temporary desires I have that feel like they must be satisfied immediately. Since I don't see anything happening, my here-and-now mindset makes me feel like I need to "help myself out."  

But all I really have to do is trust. 

The Lord was gracious to overwhelm me with the truth of who He is and the beauty of the gospel in the midst of a spiritual needy time, one that I didn't even realize I was in. 

He is forever the one Who unconditionally loves my soul. 

So much so that He met me where I was, dead and filthy in my sin, and saved me. He picked me up, made me clean, and gave me life. And did so in a way that cost Him greatly. 

He suffered my pain for me. Physical, emotional, spiritual. Every kind of pain at the highest intensity.

He is my Rescuer. He is my Knight in shining armor. 

"Oh the madness of craving something other."

This sin of an unsatisfied heart is manifesting itself in a specific way now, but there are so many ways it can look. Wanting to spend my time the way I want to spend it, wanting to be the "cool one," or wanting a significant other, especially in light of this upcoming day devoted to love. 

I would be lying if I pretended to not be envious of all the adorable couples that get to celebrate Valentine's Day together, and as much as I put on a front of hating that holiday, deep down I wish I could celebrate it with someone too.

It basically boils down to wanting control, really. To not being satisfied with where I am, not being satisfied with the gospel alone, and not trusting and believing that where God has me is good. Truly!

"But whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say it is well, it is well with my soul."

Why?

Because I have a Savior that fulfills every quality of a "dream guy," and He isn't going anywhere.

Ever. 

And unlike a sinful human being that will let me down, He is forever satisfying. I will never need anything or anyone other than Him! My sinful soul just needs to be reminded of the truth. 

And to take it a step further, I hope that on days and in moments when I feel like all is right, when I have everything I think I've ever wanted, that I would still love Jesus more. That I would trade it all without hesitation to be loved by Jesus and to love Him, just like the man who sells all he has for a treasure in a field or a pearl of great value. (Matthew 13:44-46).

These words have been stuck in my mind for almost a week now, and I will cling tightly to them, reminding my soul of the truth that brings life and satisfaction. 

"Oh that rugged cross, my salvation

where Your love poured out over me. 

Now my soul cries out, "Hallelujah!

Praise and honor unto Thee!"

Now my debt is paid, it is paid in full

by the precious blood that my Jesus spilled.

Now the curse of sin has no hold on me.

Whom the Son sets free, oh is free indeed!

-"Man of Sorrows" by Hillsong

May this free heart be bound to Jesus and, as a result, be forever satisfied.

"I say to the LORD, 'You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.' 
You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
- Psalm 16:2, 11