Reflections from a 21-year-old

I'm twenty-one today...21! 

It's unbelievable to me. 

I spent some time this morning reflecting on twenty-one years of life, and thanking God for it. 

I think a lot of times we tend to think on more recent memories because they are easier to recall. Consequently, I thought a lot about my experiences so far in college, since that is the season I'm in now. Also since the season of college is quickly coming to an end. 

I thought about incredible people God has put in my life and hard things that He has put me through. For both things I am extremely thankful. 

It's obvious that I'm thankful for people who love me, but thankful for hard, trying times?

You bettcha. 

I'm pretty sure I've blogged about this before, but in the most painful times of life, the Lord draws me closest to Himself. When I reflect on hard situations and broken hearts that are seared into my memory, the thing I remember most is the way the Lord revealed Himself so clearly to me in those times, how closely He allowed me to walk with Him because He brought me so low to the ground. 

Maybe the reason this is so fresh on my mind is because when I think on the semester I just finished, the word "drifting" comes to mind. Life was easy. School was easy. Social life was enjoyable. I started dating Matt. In addition, with Marie moving away, I didn't really have anyone consistently pushing me to self-evaluate and fight hard for holiness. And anyone who has lived on this earth knows that drifting into holiness is not a thing that happens. 

But as I reflected on those hard times and thanked the Lord for Who He is, I realized that my heart's desire really, truly is to be close to Him. So close. For my life to magnify Him and glorify His name. That happens the most when I am humble. 

Prideful people don't want to glorify others. They think they can do life on their own, without help. 

I know this to be true because I am a prideful person by nature. 

I think a lot of this focus on humility came from reflecting on Christmas. 

I really love Christmas. I love the songs, the lights, the cold, the clothes, the peppermint...everything! Last year I went through an Advent devotional for the first time and it rocked the way I think about this time of year. I desperately wanted to do one again this year. On day one, Piper encourages building God-centered anticipation, expectancy, and excitement for Christmas. And it hit me that my anticipation, expectancy, and excitement for the Christmas season was oh so present, but it was not God-centered. 

I then wrote this in my journal:

"I LOVE Christmas, but may I love it because it is a clear picture of God's goodness and grace, of His sovereign will and perfect plan, of His love for me, a sinner, of His provision to the lost, of His humility in saving me. May I love and rejoice in Christmas because of these things!"

All of these things -- God's goodness, grace, sovereign will, perfect plan, love and provision for sinners, and humility -- are seen in the birth of Jesus Christ. 21 years I've heard that Jesus was born in a manger, wrapped in swaddling clothes, etc. It's incredibly easy to say those words and not even think about them. 

But the more I get to know the holy, powerful, mighty God, the One Who controls nature and the hearts of the rulers, the more I live in this fallen world, and the more time I spend with infants and see how helpless they are, it is true insanity that a holy God would leave the glorious, perfect throne rooms of heaven to come to this filthy earth. Even more so, He did not come as He deserved, but He came in the form of a helpless, utterly dependent infant and was then placed in a box that nasty farm animals eat out of. 

Show of hands of anyone who would choose to put their newborn in a feeding trough? 

Yeah, I think not. 

Christ's humility didn't stop there. Check out Philippians 2 if you get a chance..."He became obedient to death, even death on a cross". Christ's life on this earth ended with Him nailed to wood, being spit at and mocked by mere, pathetic humans. 

Yet, as we're thrown in close proximity with family and friends, we become entitled and therefore easily-angered that we don't get to go eat where we want or that we're asked to do a chore that "belongs" to a different sibling, or whatever selfish desire you and I have that isn't fulfilled. 

Could we just stop and think about what has been done for us? Look at an infant today and realize that Almighty God became that. For you. And don't get haughty, for it isn't because there is any good to be found in you or me. Not even close. It's because God loves you in spite of you and desires a people for Himself. 

So I've been praying, asking, begging for humility. If I could come to living day in and day out in that posture without any pain, that would be perfectly fine with me. But as I live day in and day out, I know that God's way is perfect, so come what may, for my whole heart trusts in Him.